Handcuffs and Lord of the Rings
by Hamsta97
Summary: Clint went out to get drunk with his friends. Not to end up handcuffed to a random stranger while his friends laugh and run off with the keys. AU One-Shot!


No. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. Tonight was supposed to be a simple getting-drunk night out with his friends. But all of Clint's friends are assholes. So they all got drunk and Tony produced a pair of fucking handcuffs. They dragged Clint off and handcuffed him to the nearest person. Which is why Clint is currently screaming himself hoarse in several languages at his friends while handcuffed to a complete stranger who happens to be a girl. Tony lifts the key and wiggles it.

"Have a nice night Legolas!"

"TONY! _HO INTENZIONE DI UCCIDERTI! COGLIONE!" _snarls Clint.

Tony laughs and runs off. Bruce gives him an apologetic shrug and takes off after him. Sam and Bucky hover outside of arm's distance and laugh. They stop and flee when Clint takes to hurling tiny pebbles that he picks off the ground at them. Steve smiles at him and gets to the next streetlight before bursting into laughter. Thor has to help him catch up to the others.

"Your friends seem like real charmers." remarks the woman handcuffed to him.

Clint turns to face her. "Ain't they just?"

Then she turns to look at him and he gets embarrassed. It would help if the girl they'd handcuffed him to had been hideous or something. (Yes he knows that makes him sound like a jackass but he doesn't care). He has a problem with girls. He can't talk to them. Especially not if they're really pretty with bright red hair and sharp green eyes that look like a pair of emeralds and Jesus Christ get a grip Clint, she's going to think you're a complete weirdo...

"What's your name?"

"Clint. Clint Barton. What's yours?"

"Natasha Romanoff."

Clint manages a weak smile. "Well Tasha, it looks like we're stuck together until Steve has a guilt attack."

Natasha frowns at the nickname but lets it slide. "Why did they call you Legolas?"

She's got a hint of an accent that Clint can't pick up because his damn hearing aids are starting to screw up because Tony shoved him in the pool before he could take them out.

"I like archery. Legolas is the Elf in Lord of the Rings. And apparently the Hobbit because Peter Jackson likes to fuck up the movies."

"I've never seen the Hobbit." answers Natasha quietly.

Clint feels his jaw drop. "Are you kidding me?! I've got the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the first two Hobbit movies! I'll lend them you!"

OK, his brain needs to catch up with his mouth. But he hasn't finished yet.

"What about Star Wars? Indiana Jones? Harry Potter? Game of Thrones? Supernatural? Oh my God, you have to borrow my DVDs. I've got a shit ton."

Natasha gives him a gentle smile. "Maybe. Why are you out drinking anyway?"

"My brother just got out of surgery." replies Clint without thinking. "He's coming home soon."

Natasha looks concerned. "What happened to him?"

"Fucking IED." At her slightly confused look he explains, "Improvised Explosive Device. He's in the Army. Or was. Dunno what he'll do now."

He quickly steers the conversation back to her because talking about Barney still upsets him. Over the course of the following three hours, Clint learns that Natasha is a Russian ballet student who has come over to America and hopes to get a part in the Swan Lake ballet at her college. Natasha learns that Clint is deaf and works in his uncle Nick's garage because he's good with engines and acts as landlord at his brother's apartment building while his brother is away. They talk about meaningless things like their favourite coffee shop, (_Java Jones. Do you know it? _**Are you kidding me?! Java Jones is the best!**) to their least favourite high school professor (_Professor Krushnic. He always smelled of vodka. _**Don't all Russians? Hey don't kill me! Mr Howlett. Used to give me detention every day.**) until eventually Natasha asks to watch the Lord of the Rings movies. So they head back to Clint's flat, still handcuffed.

"Your brother lives here as well?"

"Yeah." answers Clint offhandedly, trying to get the key to turn.

Natasha has to help him in the end and they walk in. Clint locks the door behind them and, still attached to Natasha, makes coffee and puts the Fellowship of the Ring on. It's only when Gandalf says 'Fly you fools' that Clint realises the handcuffs are on the table.

"How..."

"I can pick locks." says Natasha. "Now shush. "

Clint blinks. "You could have gotten out of that any time and you wanted to stay?"

Natasha shrugs. "You're an interesting person. Now for the love of God will stay quiet and let me watch this?"

They watch and Natasha stares in disbelief as Boromir dies. The Two Towers is put on and somewhere between Gandalf coming back and the Ents destroying Isengard they start kissing. A serious make-out session follows which doesn't end when the Two Towers does. Clint literally breaks away for a second to put the Return of the King on and goes back to the sofa. They finally fall asleep right after Frodo sails away.

They wake up to an obscenely loud banging on the door. Clint groans and Natasha sits up. He stumbles to the door, still only wearing his jeans from last night. Natasha wanders into the bathroom to freshen up. Clint opens the door to discover his friends stood staring at him.

"Friend Clint!" booms Thor. "You are alive!"

Clint nods sleepily. "Yes I am."

Steve, ever the innocent, asks, "Why are you wearing your jeans? I thought you slept in your boxers?"

Then Sam brings up the more important point. "How did you get out of the handcuffs? I didn't know you could pick locks."

Clint opens his mouth to answer but is beaten to it by a voice behind him saying sweetly, "He can't. But I can."

Clint glances over his shoulder and grins when he sees Natasha. Her shirt and bra are currently decorating the sofa and she's wearing his old grey hoodie.

"This is Natasha."

Natasha wraps her arms around his waist, stands on tiptoe and leans her chin on his shoulder.

"Problem boys?"

Clint smirks as Sam's mouth hits the floor. Steve blinks several times, Bruce and Tony grin and Thor and Bucky whoop. Clint is going to kill them later. But for now... he'll make them breakfast. Natasha sits on the breakfast bar and watches him flip pancakes. Steve turns slightly red at the bra and delicately moves it to next to the handcuffs. Then they begin their not-very quiet discussion. It's like they forget that even though Clint's deaf he has HEARING AIDS and Natasha can hear perfectly well.

The main sentence he catches from Tony is, "Why can't _I_ get handcuffed to the hot Russian exchange girl?!"


End file.
